(no subject)

Hmm, well stepped down from my one staffing position. Knew I couldn't hack it. Don't know whether staffing has led to this increasingly rapid burnout over the past few months, but I can do without any pressure right now to contribute to anything. Actually feel better for doing so so perhaps it was the right decision.

No point flogging away at a dead horse.

On which note I'm also putting myself on hiatus on XTP. I haven't done anything with Jono there for months, and Toad for pretty much as long. Even at my best I was never able to get Jono involved in anything there, only the scenes with Kurt and Fatale amounted to more than meets and greets and considering the fact those were the only two characters I really got the chance to rp with it's probably hardly surprising. Anyway, I'll decide their ultimate fate once deadline is over.

Don't have the energy for anything that's going to be or be made to be a struggle just now. If I'm pushed total burnout is going to follow. As it is I'm ready to quit all my muxes entirely and if I'm honest I'm only hanging around on any of them to socialise.

Nope, I didn't discuss this with anyone. I didn' want to be once again persuaded that everything was fine and I should just stick around and things'll get better and eventually burnout will pass. That approach just frustrates me more than anything when things are expected from me or I expect more from myself that I'm prepared to actually give. Staffing certainly is not something I'm suited to in my current frame of mind. I've always felt that burnt out staff is the quickest way to kill any mux and have been proved right on a few occasions. I'm no use as I am and my disinterest conveyed to the players will do no-one any good. For those of you who were hoping for more rp with me on XTP, well, sorry. You should have asked before probably. ;)

Definately feel I've made the right decision now. Rather sudden but since I've been ummming and ahing for months now sudden is better than not at all.

(no subject)

Hard to tell whether I'm feeling this relieved that I've finally had the balls to do something about my burn out by cropping down my responsibilities or if I'm just having a sudden caffiene rush from my Red Bull.

Hmm, actually considering the way to go is cut down on characters altogether. Been way more burnt out and far more uninspired since I got more than one character. Despite telling myself over and over I wouldn't staff and I wouldn't ever have more than two characters and preferably only one, I've spread myself really thin and think I've been beating myself up about it way too much. It's a relief to think that if I quit a couple of characters I won't have people expecting to do anything but loaf. I need some loafing time.

On the down side while my mood is improved since I made the decision earlier, my communication skills over the past few days have been attrocious. Whatever I say it's the wrong thing, not what people expect or want to hear, or so badly worded they take things the wrong way. So I think I'll have a couple of days just saying nothing. I'll just rant on here and anyone who wants to know what's going on can look here. Don't like what you see? Stop reading.

Not feeling very hot on compromises at the moment. Need the balls to say what I think and not to put up with my own bullshit or other people's without comment.

So, if I've come across as being harsh, sorry, but I can have my own opinions and don't particularly intend to be beaten down every time. Most of the time, probably okay though. ;)