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Jun. 8th, 2003 08:46 amMerf.
Had a couple of emails from people worried about me after that last post. I guess I need to clear a couple of things up from what I posted.
One is that I am still taking my meds and I haven't turned to drink. Sorry if I gave anyone that impression - when I said I'd had a couple of drinks that's exactly what I meant. I went out with my sister's ex, someone I consider to be a friend still, but really wasn't in the mood to be even a sociable drinker. I had three bottles of Bud during the course of the evening - very moderate and certainly not a major deal. So those who were worried about that... don't, I haven't turned into a drunk. I just happened to mention it to explain where I'd been that evening.
The second this was my loneliness. I get support from people online - that's certainly true and something I appreciate greatly. I also recognise the difference between a friend who is living in the same town as I am and who I can see and hang out with, and one who is effectively a stream of text on a screen. I'm lonely for -human- company just now, real life friends to hang around with. Having someone special online dampened those feelings but now, while I certainly consider my girl a strong friend, it's a little different from having a -girlfriend-. And therefore the loneliness has set in and I'm looking for more. I can understand that and I hope others don't condem me for feeling lonely.
Much of the problem probably is that I -haven't- seen people to speak to much, either in real life or online. In real life that's through circumstance - people I'm friends with aren't really that close. Geographically that is. So I don't get to hang out with them. Onlin friends I haven't seen as much of from both my circumastances and theirs. Some people seem to have moved on, don't connect as much, don't talk as much. Some of it is certainly down to -me- not connecting as much. Mostly, over the past month or so, that's been down to me simply not being around. I've had deadline, holiday, deadline, work to set up DSL and stuf, sorting out a new car, all these things that have kept me offline with the resut that when I -do- get the chance to connect I feel out of things. I need to make the effort to get back into things, both in terms of rp but also in terms of my actual relationships with people - something much more important.
I just haven't been able to find the energy to do so - a touch of burn out no doubt, and when I have been on there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest from -some- people to hang out or rp with me. Not everyone, that I should make clear.
As for my faith, no I do not feel isolated from god. I haven't lost my faith in god. I just haven't been to church in a good while, prefering to worship him in my own way. I talk to god still. I'm going to try and remedy that some this morning by going to church.
In which case I better be going.
So in summary? I was ranting, I was feeling lonely. I still am but it's a real life loneliness that doesn't actually apply online. There's a difference that I can see, I hope others recognise it too.
Had a couple of emails from people worried about me after that last post. I guess I need to clear a couple of things up from what I posted.
One is that I am still taking my meds and I haven't turned to drink. Sorry if I gave anyone that impression - when I said I'd had a couple of drinks that's exactly what I meant. I went out with my sister's ex, someone I consider to be a friend still, but really wasn't in the mood to be even a sociable drinker. I had three bottles of Bud during the course of the evening - very moderate and certainly not a major deal. So those who were worried about that... don't, I haven't turned into a drunk. I just happened to mention it to explain where I'd been that evening.
The second this was my loneliness. I get support from people online - that's certainly true and something I appreciate greatly. I also recognise the difference between a friend who is living in the same town as I am and who I can see and hang out with, and one who is effectively a stream of text on a screen. I'm lonely for -human- company just now, real life friends to hang around with. Having someone special online dampened those feelings but now, while I certainly consider my girl a strong friend, it's a little different from having a -girlfriend-. And therefore the loneliness has set in and I'm looking for more. I can understand that and I hope others don't condem me for feeling lonely.
Much of the problem probably is that I -haven't- seen people to speak to much, either in real life or online. In real life that's through circumstance - people I'm friends with aren't really that close. Geographically that is. So I don't get to hang out with them. Onlin friends I haven't seen as much of from both my circumastances and theirs. Some people seem to have moved on, don't connect as much, don't talk as much. Some of it is certainly down to -me- not connecting as much. Mostly, over the past month or so, that's been down to me simply not being around. I've had deadline, holiday, deadline, work to set up DSL and stuf, sorting out a new car, all these things that have kept me offline with the resut that when I -do- get the chance to connect I feel out of things. I need to make the effort to get back into things, both in terms of rp but also in terms of my actual relationships with people - something much more important.
I just haven't been able to find the energy to do so - a touch of burn out no doubt, and when I have been on there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest from -some- people to hang out or rp with me. Not everyone, that I should make clear.
As for my faith, no I do not feel isolated from god. I haven't lost my faith in god. I just haven't been to church in a good while, prefering to worship him in my own way. I talk to god still. I'm going to try and remedy that some this morning by going to church.
In which case I better be going.
So in summary? I was ranting, I was feeling lonely. I still am but it's a real life loneliness that doesn't actually apply online. There's a difference that I can see, I hope others recognise it too.
