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May. 8th, 2003 08:57 amHaven't posted here for a while - mainly because of deadline week, post deadline week exhaustion and getting myself ready for my holiday. Lot or organisation going on, I've been flapping about things but hopefully I'm somewhere near organised now.
Had a bad couple of weeks. Came to the point where a friend confronted me about it. I'm glad they did really, I've been a horrible pain in the arse for a couple of weeks. I haven't exactly been able to pinpoint why but I think it's been down to the stress of work to be honest. I was getting on a lot better with things and feeling happier in myself, but I didn' have any help this month and had 8 days in a row of working 14 hour days. Not exactly condusive to mental stability.
Weird thing is I haven't been particularly down. Or wasn't during deadline week. What I've been is impatient and unable to deal with people and hyper-critical of myself. I've found it particularly difficult to talk to people. That's something that really has upset me, I really -hate- being unable to deal with anyone. I need friends, need to be able to talk to people and try to talk and help people if they're needing a shoulder to cry on. Recently I've been the exact opposite - snappy, unapproachable and doing what someone described as 'fleeing' every time I hear something I don't like.
So from massive depression to snappiness. I'm not sure if its an improvement or not and I really don't think so. At least when I'm down I don't hurt anyone other than myself.
Anyway the upshot of this is when I went for the checkup with my doc yesterday he asked about my working hours and when I told hm what they were he actually seemed a bit lost for words. Obviously not the best thing to be doing when trying to deal with depression.
Either way he gave me the choice of carrying on o upping the dose for my anti-depressants. Well, not a decision I want to make. I don't want to be dependant, but on the other hand I don't want to end up losing my friends either.
His advice was to up the dosage since I was having problems, particularly with my working hours. So hopefully the combination of this and my holiday will help things somewhat.
To those people I've been off with you have my apologies. I'm sorry I've been so unapproachable recently. I'm working on getting better.
Speaking of the impending holiday, I leave on Sunday so not sure if I'll update before then. Meeting my girlfriend and hoping things will work out in the flesh as wonderfully as they do online and over the phone. Wish me luck. I'm horribly nervous but excited.
I'll write and tel everyone about it when I get back no doubt...
Had a bad couple of weeks. Came to the point where a friend confronted me about it. I'm glad they did really, I've been a horrible pain in the arse for a couple of weeks. I haven't exactly been able to pinpoint why but I think it's been down to the stress of work to be honest. I was getting on a lot better with things and feeling happier in myself, but I didn' have any help this month and had 8 days in a row of working 14 hour days. Not exactly condusive to mental stability.
Weird thing is I haven't been particularly down. Or wasn't during deadline week. What I've been is impatient and unable to deal with people and hyper-critical of myself. I've found it particularly difficult to talk to people. That's something that really has upset me, I really -hate- being unable to deal with anyone. I need friends, need to be able to talk to people and try to talk and help people if they're needing a shoulder to cry on. Recently I've been the exact opposite - snappy, unapproachable and doing what someone described as 'fleeing' every time I hear something I don't like.
So from massive depression to snappiness. I'm not sure if its an improvement or not and I really don't think so. At least when I'm down I don't hurt anyone other than myself.
Anyway the upshot of this is when I went for the checkup with my doc yesterday he asked about my working hours and when I told hm what they were he actually seemed a bit lost for words. Obviously not the best thing to be doing when trying to deal with depression.
Either way he gave me the choice of carrying on o upping the dose for my anti-depressants. Well, not a decision I want to make. I don't want to be dependant, but on the other hand I don't want to end up losing my friends either.
His advice was to up the dosage since I was having problems, particularly with my working hours. So hopefully the combination of this and my holiday will help things somewhat.
To those people I've been off with you have my apologies. I'm sorry I've been so unapproachable recently. I'm working on getting better.
Speaking of the impending holiday, I leave on Sunday so not sure if I'll update before then. Meeting my girlfriend and hoping things will work out in the flesh as wonderfully as they do online and over the phone. Wish me luck. I'm horribly nervous but excited.
I'll write and tel everyone about it when I get back no doubt...
