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Feb. 21st, 2003 06:09 pmUtterly fucking miserable.
I don't recall the last time I felt so physically bad. So sick to the stomach and barely sentient. Dizzy, nauseous and pretty much entirely fucking screwed up.
I’m sick to my stomach, my heart and every other damn part of me.
Oh I know it's my own damn fault, my own fault for denying myself much needed sleep, pushing myself too hard and too far but that just doesn't help. So it’s my fault. Think I like feeling like this? Nothing justifies the way I'm feeling just now. I've pushed myself beyond my limits for others the past days, be it my work, avariety of other people.... Whatever, I did it because I -wanted- to. Because I wanted to make others happy or I had responsibilities. And I'm counting the cost now, emotionally and physically I'm a wreck.
Can't hold down the feeling I'm going to vomit any moment. So far no luck. I wish I could, god knows I've been trying to, try and clear whatever it is in my system out and be able to just sit in a chair without the whole room feeling like it's spinning.
At my lowest, my sickest and looking for sympathy I guess. The fact I feel like no-one gives a flying fuck right now is either down to my mood or the fact that either no-one's commented or if they have it's just been to take the piss out of me. Right, just what I need. I'm not down enough already, just a little extra push and I could be really miserable.
And no, maybe that's not what I -really- think in the logical heart of me but right now I do feel that way and I'm not sure whether to cry, throw up or just deck someone.
I don't recall the last time I felt so physically bad. So sick to the stomach and barely sentient. Dizzy, nauseous and pretty much entirely fucking screwed up.
I’m sick to my stomach, my heart and every other damn part of me.
Oh I know it's my own damn fault, my own fault for denying myself much needed sleep, pushing myself too hard and too far but that just doesn't help. So it’s my fault. Think I like feeling like this? Nothing justifies the way I'm feeling just now. I've pushed myself beyond my limits for others the past days, be it my work, avariety of other people.... Whatever, I did it because I -wanted- to. Because I wanted to make others happy or I had responsibilities. And I'm counting the cost now, emotionally and physically I'm a wreck.
Can't hold down the feeling I'm going to vomit any moment. So far no luck. I wish I could, god knows I've been trying to, try and clear whatever it is in my system out and be able to just sit in a chair without the whole room feeling like it's spinning.
At my lowest, my sickest and looking for sympathy I guess. The fact I feel like no-one gives a flying fuck right now is either down to my mood or the fact that either no-one's commented or if they have it's just been to take the piss out of me. Right, just what I need. I'm not down enough already, just a little extra push and I could be really miserable.
And no, maybe that's not what I -really- think in the logical heart of me but right now I do feel that way and I'm not sure whether to cry, throw up or just deck someone.
