angelophile | It's not that I'm lazy; it's that I just don't care.

So, it may be obvious to people, but I'm not the most active of people. I'm not exactly lazy. Not exactly. I'd just rather sit in front of the telly with a nice mug of hot chocolate than run the marathon. The kind of person who can get to the end of the day on Saturday and realize I've done, well, nothing. It's funny, really, because when I'm away on holiday I can't stand just vegging out and doing nothing for an entire day. I need to be active and seeing new things. But when I'm at home, I just zone out.

Which, for a creative person isn't particularly creative.

It's probably partially down to my job. I sit at a computer all day trying to be creative for other people, that by the time I get home in the evenings I've creatived out. But that's probably as much an excuse as anything. If I put my mind to it I can be creative (and have been - for example, The Spammies, which was a few months work in all and a considerable slog in the final couple of weeks.)

I think this ramble is spurred by the fact I've not done anything externally creative this year in the way of acting of set design, etc. That's been down to both productions I would have been involved with this year being scheduled on my deadline weeks. When I returned from holiday I had a call from one of the directors who wanted me to take part, but when he revealed the dates, I realized the clash, which is frustrating for me and also frustrating in that it means that this year's Autumn production was cancelled through "lack of interest". It's the AGM next week and, of course, I can't attend because it's another deadline for our quarterly publication and I wouldn't be surprised if the group decides to call it a day. Although, if that does happen I may try and get involved with a group more local to me but that means, gasp, meeting new people. Horrifying.

Anyway, I'm not sure where this is going.

I've not been entirely idle, though, and being creative in small ways. A lot of you know already, but some may not, that I've often played online RPG games of the old school. Mushes, mux and so on. For those not familiar with them, remember the old text based adventure games of the eighties? They're like that, but online and the other characters you encounter are also real people too. It might not sound much, but I enjoy the creativity of text based games. There's rarely any rewards, there's not purpose to the game, you don't earn points, the enjoyment just comes from telling a good story with the other people.

I've most often played on X-men and superhero games (although when I was at college it was Transformers) and most often played Jonothon Starsmore AKA Chamber. I dunno what is about him I click with. Early on it was fun to see just how emo you could get with him, but I admit that grows tiresome. Under my pen the character's developed a special blend of dry Jono snark. He's a character obscure enough that I don't feel under too much pressure to "get him right" but also defined enough I want to do his justice. In effect the games are living, breathing fanfic, but all the more fun for it being a story that develops through interaction with others rather than plotting beforehand.

And it affords me some opportunity to be creative in small ways. For example, last night Jono got wedged into a scene between a heavy drinking Siryn and a 15 year old precocious pop star. Which provided me with much entertainment as Jono regarded the Hannah Montanna-a-like "rather like carrion regards fresh roadkill". A phrase I may well have to use again. I may mostly amuse myself, but the character develops a life of his own when I'm writing him, which probably is a sign that I'm doing creative writing right.

Or maybe I'm just desperate to feel like my evenings are not entirely pointless.