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Nov. 2nd, 2004 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelophileIn case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction is INSIDE the box.)
4. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES. KEEP QUIET.
5. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
6. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
7. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)
8. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
9. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
10. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
11. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
14. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction is INSIDE the box.)
4. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES. KEEP QUIET.
5. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
6. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
7. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)
8. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
9. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
10. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
11. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
14. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
