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angelophileSad how easily my enthusiasm for something can be sapped. I lack drive for myself a lot of the time, and that has especially been the case in recent months. My ambition and enthusiasm for things ebbed in the new year and still hasn't returned. Perhaps because of the tablets dulling my emotions a bit.
I seem to have got to the point where all my enthusiasm comes from other people - other people inspire me, or drive me to do things. I want to do things for people, or if someone thinks something is a good idea I'll try it. My enthusiasm for doing things off my own back has dwindled. I'm uninspired, but I can be inspired. Take the Renderosity gallery - I'm not sure if I can be bothered. I do work, post it and barely get a response. I need to draw my enthusiasm from other people just now and when they're apathetic, I'm apathetic. I just feel drained at the moment.
Maybe a sumptom of deadline week, but I don't know. Would be nice to get a shed load of compliments for something I've done at some point, which is weird because I actually hate being complimented. How screwed up is that? I get horribly embarrassed by any kind of praise, but if I don't get it I just drop into a 'can't give a damn' phase.
I'm a screw up. And yes, I know someone will slap me for saying that, but I feel that way plenty. Just morose, I'll get over it. Excuse my moment of mehdom.
I seem to have got to the point where all my enthusiasm comes from other people - other people inspire me, or drive me to do things. I want to do things for people, or if someone thinks something is a good idea I'll try it. My enthusiasm for doing things off my own back has dwindled. I'm uninspired, but I can be inspired. Take the Renderosity gallery - I'm not sure if I can be bothered. I do work, post it and barely get a response. I need to draw my enthusiasm from other people just now and when they're apathetic, I'm apathetic. I just feel drained at the moment.
Maybe a sumptom of deadline week, but I don't know. Would be nice to get a shed load of compliments for something I've done at some point, which is weird because I actually hate being complimented. How screwed up is that? I get horribly embarrassed by any kind of praise, but if I don't get it I just drop into a 'can't give a damn' phase.
I'm a screw up. And yes, I know someone will slap me for saying that, but I feel that way plenty. Just morose, I'll get over it. Excuse my moment of mehdom.
