(no subject)

When bonny Clive was twenty three
he took a dive from the balcony
embarrassing his blushing bride
who took her red face for a ride
to Blackpool and the pouring rain
she went out on the evening train
and came in with the morning tide
as another seaside suicide

It was summertime when Sally Clarke
suffered from a broken heart
that left her down and out of touch
the patron saint of nothing much
no charity, no faith, no hope
she'd seen it on her favourite soap
take fifty thousand million pills
and don't forget to pay the bills

Well I remember Micky Doyle
he shuffled off this mortal coil
with no message for "that special girl"
just thank you and goodbye cruel world
then for the sake of Auld Lang Syne
he put his head on the railway line
looked up at the morning sun
and waited for the train to come

The TV repossessed and so
I tune in to the radio
where the DJ's playing the same old songs
to whistle while you're signing on
give me the beat boy and free my soul
fill my pockets up with gold
I'll leave a message on the fridge
and drive my car off London Bridge

But London Bridge is falling down
there ain't no gold in Silver town
so I'm cancelling my driving test
and walking back to happiness
whoop bye oh yeah yeah!

And everytime a church bell ring, another angel gets its wings....

A Flashman Biography

"Flashman, Harry Paget. Brigadier-general, V.C., K.C.B., K.C.I.E.; Chevalier, Legion of Honour; Order of Maria Theresa, Austria; Order of the Elephant, Denmark (temporary); U.S. Medal of honor; San Serafino Order of purity and truth, 4th Class. b May 5, 1822, s of H. Buckley Flashman, Esq., Ashby and Hon. Alicia Paget; m. Elspeth Rennie Morrison, d. of Lord Paisley; one s., one d. educ. Rugby School. 11th Hussars, 17th Lancers. Served Afghanistan, 1841-42 (medals, thanks of Parliament); chief of staff to H. M. James Brooke, Rajah of Sarawak Batang Lupar expedn, 1844; milit. advisor, H.M. Queen Ranavalona of Madagascar, 1844-5; Sutlej campaign, 1845-6 (Ferozeshah, Sobraon, envoy extraordinary to Maharani Jeendan, Court of Lahore); polit. advisor to Herr (later Chancellor Prince) Von Bismarck, Schleswig-Holstein, 1847-8; Crimea staff (Alma, Sevastopol, Balaclava), Prisoner of war, 1854; Artillery adviser to Atilik Ghazi, Syr Daria campaign, 1855; Sepoy Mutiny, 1857-8, dip, envoy to HRH the Maharani of Jhansi, trooper 3rd Native Cavalry, Meerut, subseq. att, Rowbotham's Mosstroopers, Cawnpore, (Lucknow, Gwalior, etc., V.C.); Adjutant to Captain John Brown, Harper's Ferry, 1859; China campaign 1860, polit. mission to Nanking, Taiping Rebellion, polit. and other services, Imperial Court, Pekin U.S. Army (major, Union forces, 1862; colonel (staff) Army of the Confederacy, 1863); a.d.c. to H.I.M. Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, 1867; interpreter and observer Sioux campain, U.S. 1875-6 (Camp Robinson conference, Little Bighorn, etc.); Zulu War, 1879 (Isandhlwana, Rorke's Drift); Egypt 1882 (Kassassin, Tel-el-Kebir); personal bodyguard to H.I.M. Franz-Joseph, Emperor of Austria 1883; Sudan 1884-5 (Khartoum); Pekin Legations, 1900. Travelled extensively in military and civilian capacities among them supercargo, merchant marine (West Africa); agriculturist (Mississippi valley); wagon captain and hotelier (Santa Fe Trail); buffalo hunter and scout (Oregon Trail); courier (Underground Railroad); majordomo (India), prospector (Australia); trader and missionary (Solomen Islands, Fly River, etc.); lottery supervisor (Manila); diamond Broker and horse coper (Punjab); dep. marshall, U.S.; occasional actor and impersonator. Hon. mbr of numerous societies and clubs, including Sons of the Volsungs (Strackenz), Mimbreno Apache Copper Mines band (New Mexico), Kokand Horde (Central Asia), Kit Carson's Boys (Colorado), Brown's Lambs (Maryland), M.C.C., Whites and United Service (London, both resigned), Blackjack (Batavia). Chmn, Flashman and Bottomley, Ltd.; dir. British Opium Trading Co.; governor, Rugby School; hon. pres. Mission for Reclamation of Reduced Females. Publications: Dawns and Departures of a Soldier's Life; Twixt Cossack and Cannon; The Case Against Army Reform. Recreation: oriental studies, angling, cricket (performed first recorded "hat-trick"; Wickets of Felix, Pilch and Mynn for 14 runs; Rugby Past and Present v Kent, Lord's 1842; 5 for 12, Mynn's Casuals v All Engand XI, 1843). Add. Gandamack Lodge, Ashby, Leics."


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Flashman, poltroon, bully, cheat, scoundrel, womanizer, toady, and thoroughgoing cad, was unwilling participant in almost every significant battle and military drama from the disastrous retreat of the British from Kabul (Afghanistan, 1842) until his death at 93 during the Great War (1915). FlashMan's memoirs have been faithfully transcribed and annotated by the 20th Century's greatest historical novelist, George MacDonald Fraser.