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Just where is the point?
Sep. 28th, 2003 09:48 amAbsolutely exhausted this morning, and probably only have myself to blame. I was tired at around 9 last night and resisted the urgeto go to bed because it would screw up my sleeping pattern to sleep that early. So I tried to finish off a photomanip of Jubilee I've been working on.
Of course, being as I hate not finishing anything I start and tend to get really focused on things it was about 1.30 by the time I actually finished it and posted it to Renderosity. You can find it here.
Pretty pleased with the end result. Was hoping for a comment or two before I actually went to sleep so I could feel that, tired as I was, I'd still actually accomplished -something- and wasn't just wasting my time. But didn't get an acknowlegement. Pretty draining, and pretty much part of the course for the last week.
Pretty drained and fed up at the moment. My job is... not good just now. My job, as most people know, involved typesetting and designing a trade magazine/newspaper each month. Usually that means setting around 300 adverts and a 36 page newspaper (sized, but magazine finish) with 4 alternate sets of cover pages. Another 16 pages in other words. I usually manage okay with that, just about, but as everyone who's seen my stress levels over my deadline week can testify, not exactly easy on my stress levels. Deadline week I usually work a 72 hour week instead of the standard 36. That means being in work from around 8.30 in the morning until 11 at night.
This month sales have been good. So good in fact that my boss has decided we need to add extra pages to accommodate all the extra adverts. Not a problem for him or the other sales people, obviously, but a pretty major problem for the poor mug who has to actually stay til all hours setting the thing.
That'll be me then.
So, despite having had a holiday in the beginning of the month that put me behind anyway, I'm now expected to conjour another 12 pages of adverts and editorial out of thin air. Effectively they've added another third on top of my usual workload. The workload that sees m working 72 hour weeks and 14 hour days to complete.
And without one single word to me as to whether this is okay or if I can cope.
And the fact of the matter is I don't think I -can- cope. I can't see how I'm going to get this done. Already this last week I've stayed late every night trying to catch up. I've already pulled off one extended week (probably around 60 hours), am working this weekend to keep on top of things, generally ruined my state of mental well being and health and for what? Not money, because I don't get paid overtime. It's simply assumed I'll be there as long as it takes to get the job done. No-one asks, no-one comments, I'm just there.
The thing is I -do- enjoy the job most of the time but to get no financial reward for all my extra work is bad enough. To do it without one single comment or acknowledgement I'm woking my arse off is frankly just nuts. When they talked about adding a further 4 pages this week I told them they better get down the job centre and find another designer, becuse I'd walk out rather than have to deal with that.
I don't think anyone took me seriously.
So anyway, how am I feeling? Tired, low and unappreciated. I'v managed to blow up at a couple of people this week already and we're not yet onto deadline. My friendship's have suffered because of this stupid decision based totally around the greed of my co-workers. I'm cracking up.
Add to this the fact that next (deadline) week my boss, in his infinite wisdom, chose to invite the Prime Minister to visit us while he was in town for the Labour Party conference. Thankfully he has said he can't make it (although I doubt we'd be told even if he could, judging by the amount of security around the town). However, one of the members of the Government - the Minister for Small Businesses - can make it. So he's coming in to visit next week sometime, and bringing with him the BBC national news and television crews, national journalists and god knows what else. So I can look forwards to my already desperately tight deadline being interupted by camera crews filming and interviews and so on.
I can't see how I can manage this.
So all in all, this week is not a good week. I feel utterly utterly unappreciated for all the incredible amount of work that I do. And it is. My stress levels from working 72 hour weeks are probably killing me. I'm already on anti-depressants. What's next?
Pondering the point of it all. Be nice to know that somewhere out there all this work I do makes a difference or is appreciated or someone likes what I do. Pathetic that I don't have the self esteem just now that it makes me low that a stupid photomanip produced for my own enjoyment posted to renderosity can go without comment. Yep, the level of self confidence and self belief is pretty low just now.
Hopefully this'll all end soon.
Of course, being as I hate not finishing anything I start and tend to get really focused on things it was about 1.30 by the time I actually finished it and posted it to Renderosity. You can find it here.
Pretty pleased with the end result. Was hoping for a comment or two before I actually went to sleep so I could feel that, tired as I was, I'd still actually accomplished -something- and wasn't just wasting my time. But didn't get an acknowlegement. Pretty draining, and pretty much part of the course for the last week.
Pretty drained and fed up at the moment. My job is... not good just now. My job, as most people know, involved typesetting and designing a trade magazine/newspaper each month. Usually that means setting around 300 adverts and a 36 page newspaper (sized, but magazine finish) with 4 alternate sets of cover pages. Another 16 pages in other words. I usually manage okay with that, just about, but as everyone who's seen my stress levels over my deadline week can testify, not exactly easy on my stress levels. Deadline week I usually work a 72 hour week instead of the standard 36. That means being in work from around 8.30 in the morning until 11 at night.
This month sales have been good. So good in fact that my boss has decided we need to add extra pages to accommodate all the extra adverts. Not a problem for him or the other sales people, obviously, but a pretty major problem for the poor mug who has to actually stay til all hours setting the thing.
That'll be me then.
So, despite having had a holiday in the beginning of the month that put me behind anyway, I'm now expected to conjour another 12 pages of adverts and editorial out of thin air. Effectively they've added another third on top of my usual workload. The workload that sees m working 72 hour weeks and 14 hour days to complete.
And without one single word to me as to whether this is okay or if I can cope.
And the fact of the matter is I don't think I -can- cope. I can't see how I'm going to get this done. Already this last week I've stayed late every night trying to catch up. I've already pulled off one extended week (probably around 60 hours), am working this weekend to keep on top of things, generally ruined my state of mental well being and health and for what? Not money, because I don't get paid overtime. It's simply assumed I'll be there as long as it takes to get the job done. No-one asks, no-one comments, I'm just there.
The thing is I -do- enjoy the job most of the time but to get no financial reward for all my extra work is bad enough. To do it without one single comment or acknowledgement I'm woking my arse off is frankly just nuts. When they talked about adding a further 4 pages this week I told them they better get down the job centre and find another designer, becuse I'd walk out rather than have to deal with that.
I don't think anyone took me seriously.
So anyway, how am I feeling? Tired, low and unappreciated. I'v managed to blow up at a couple of people this week already and we're not yet onto deadline. My friendship's have suffered because of this stupid decision based totally around the greed of my co-workers. I'm cracking up.
Add to this the fact that next (deadline) week my boss, in his infinite wisdom, chose to invite the Prime Minister to visit us while he was in town for the Labour Party conference. Thankfully he has said he can't make it (although I doubt we'd be told even if he could, judging by the amount of security around the town). However, one of the members of the Government - the Minister for Small Businesses - can make it. So he's coming in to visit next week sometime, and bringing with him the BBC national news and television crews, national journalists and god knows what else. So I can look forwards to my already desperately tight deadline being interupted by camera crews filming and interviews and so on.
I can't see how I can manage this.
So all in all, this week is not a good week. I feel utterly utterly unappreciated for all the incredible amount of work that I do. And it is. My stress levels from working 72 hour weeks are probably killing me. I'm already on anti-depressants. What's next?
Pondering the point of it all. Be nice to know that somewhere out there all this work I do makes a difference or is appreciated or someone likes what I do. Pathetic that I don't have the self esteem just now that it makes me low that a stupid photomanip produced for my own enjoyment posted to renderosity can go without comment. Yep, the level of self confidence and self belief is pretty low just now.
Hopefully this'll all end soon.
