(no subject)

What is it about me that allows me to get upset so easily? Why do I worry so much about what other people think of me? I hate the fact that a minor off hand derogatory comment from someone I don't know very well at all can get me so upset. That's the weird thing - I'm always hurt that much more by comments from people I don't know well than people I do. I guess my own sense of self worth is practically non-existant and I need other people's approval constantly. From my friends I can handle a derogatory comment. Half the time it's not meant and if it is I get mad then get over it. With people I know even if they spot something bad about me I can at least console myself with the idea that they know good things about me too.

With people I don't know well or at all, critism hits me hard. I guess because when someone you don't know very well makes it clear they don't like you or have no time for you, that's it. It's not like with a friend where you can talk it over and eventually stop worrying about it. With a stranger the judgement is there for all time, they weigh you and if you're not the person they have time for or want to like then bam, that's you dismissed. I hate to be tossed aside. I need approvel, which is my most annoying fault probably.

I don't know why I can't just take things at face value and move on. I hate the way someone can practically reduce me to tears without even thinking about it or even being aware how much they've upset me.

Maybe it's the fact they probably wouldn't care even if they did know that upsets me.

I should go sleep.