![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Feb. 9th, 2003 09:45 pmShitty mood tonight...
I guess I'm more tired than I realised, it suddenly decended on my mind. Been in an even mood today I suppose, a bit of greyness creeping at the edges but okay. But yeah, just expanded into full blown ansy morbidness. I seem to be brooding far too much lately I'm sure I'm not really tired all the time to bring this on. It's funny, my really low patches have reduced significantly, but I've had a few of these dark moods that last just an hour or a couple at a time and then are gone.
And tonight's particular mood? Brought on by nothing much. Wanted to rp a scene on XET and invited a couple of people to join. Got a vague sort of 'well I guess I can' couple of answers, or what I deamed to be vague and because of my mood I interpreted them that way. One of those instances that immediately you ask for a scene, suddenly people are being very talkative and chatty ooc and blank about the idea you want to scene. Picked up the impression that people were okay to scene, but they'd much rather just hang about ooc and piss about. Fair enough, I've been the same myself plenty of times, but it was a scene I really wanted to play with a player I really wanted to rp with and the lack of enthusiasm just seemed to drain me utterly and bring on this gloom that I'm still labouring under.
Of course I just said to drop it and disconnected. My self sabotaging nature at work again.
Ugh I really feel crappy now, stupid bloody mood. Now worried I'll have offended people by just dropping them like that. Had to reconnect to write an apologetic mail that made me feel like a complete prick.
Who am I kidding? I am a complete prick sometimes.
Dammit, dammit to hell.
Worst thing is, I know if I take ten minutes away or come on here and vent like this I'll be fine. Was in the same kind of mood last night. Think I'm just overdosing. Been on the computer all day. Need a change of scenery.
Maybe I'll go and sit in the dark for a while...
Or maybe not, it's bloody freezing and I'm really not a maudlin prick like some of these posts may suggest.
Agh, my mind, I really need a transplant.
I guess I'm more tired than I realised, it suddenly decended on my mind. Been in an even mood today I suppose, a bit of greyness creeping at the edges but okay. But yeah, just expanded into full blown ansy morbidness. I seem to be brooding far too much lately I'm sure I'm not really tired all the time to bring this on. It's funny, my really low patches have reduced significantly, but I've had a few of these dark moods that last just an hour or a couple at a time and then are gone.
And tonight's particular mood? Brought on by nothing much. Wanted to rp a scene on XET and invited a couple of people to join. Got a vague sort of 'well I guess I can' couple of answers, or what I deamed to be vague and because of my mood I interpreted them that way. One of those instances that immediately you ask for a scene, suddenly people are being very talkative and chatty ooc and blank about the idea you want to scene. Picked up the impression that people were okay to scene, but they'd much rather just hang about ooc and piss about. Fair enough, I've been the same myself plenty of times, but it was a scene I really wanted to play with a player I really wanted to rp with and the lack of enthusiasm just seemed to drain me utterly and bring on this gloom that I'm still labouring under.
Of course I just said to drop it and disconnected. My self sabotaging nature at work again.
Ugh I really feel crappy now, stupid bloody mood. Now worried I'll have offended people by just dropping them like that. Had to reconnect to write an apologetic mail that made me feel like a complete prick.
Who am I kidding? I am a complete prick sometimes.
Dammit, dammit to hell.
Worst thing is, I know if I take ten minutes away or come on here and vent like this I'll be fine. Was in the same kind of mood last night. Think I'm just overdosing. Been on the computer all day. Need a change of scenery.
Maybe I'll go and sit in the dark for a while...
Or maybe not, it's bloody freezing and I'm really not a maudlin prick like some of these posts may suggest.
Agh, my mind, I really need a transplant.
