(no subject)
Feb. 8th, 2003 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelophileAnother day another dollar...
Or not. Quiet day today, I've not really accomplished anything, but I'm not sure I mean to. Had a grey day yesterday, my mood has been thrown by this business with the ADSL I think, keep convincing myself that I'll cost the company money or that my boss will be pissed off with me for signing us up with a company that's been able to provide the service and has taken lots of money from our account to do so.
I hate screwing up.
On a rational level I know that, yeah, it's not my problem, but I have a martyr complex and if something goes wrong I know it's my fault. Even when it isn't. The blackness comes to claim me.
Anyway, it's not weighing on my mind so heavily today. Yesterday was a day when everything I seemed to accomplish didn't go anywhere. My attempts at doodling just ended up an unmittigated disaster, I was all fingers and thumbs when I attempted to play guitar, my friends were busy and stuck in the house on my own with no distractions I just got myself panicy about my crapness.
Things seemed a lot better when I was able to speak to my girl. She really does bring out the best in me, and calms me down when I need calming. She's certainly a sweetie.
Today's been quieter. Wondering whether I should shoot out to the town again to browse the shops, but there's not really anything I want. Finally started to read the Joe R. Lansdale book I bought a few months ago that's been sat on my shelf until the mood took me. I wish I'd started it sooner. One of those books that once started I find almost impossible to put down again. I have a terrible habit of reading in the bath at weekends. Well, if I'm going to have a soak I enjoy to relax and it's about the only chance I get. Started to read. I think I was in there about an hour and a half and ended up looking like a prune when I emerged. One of those books that's just screaming out to be read all in one sitting.
I must admit I adore his stuff, a delicious slice of what trailer trash writing, with a much darker and more convoluted streak than any other pulp fiction writers ou there. This particular book is about a gruesome murder in east Texas during the depression and really manages to evoke the times wonderfully, leaving the taste of the dust, heat, flies, the slow pace, history and white trash rich in the mouth, a dark gothic book that draws on all sorts of folk myth and darkness. Only about a third of the way in but one of those books that's gripped me from the start.
And one I'll be reading more of now...
Or not. Quiet day today, I've not really accomplished anything, but I'm not sure I mean to. Had a grey day yesterday, my mood has been thrown by this business with the ADSL I think, keep convincing myself that I'll cost the company money or that my boss will be pissed off with me for signing us up with a company that's been able to provide the service and has taken lots of money from our account to do so.
I hate screwing up.
On a rational level I know that, yeah, it's not my problem, but I have a martyr complex and if something goes wrong I know it's my fault. Even when it isn't. The blackness comes to claim me.
Anyway, it's not weighing on my mind so heavily today. Yesterday was a day when everything I seemed to accomplish didn't go anywhere. My attempts at doodling just ended up an unmittigated disaster, I was all fingers and thumbs when I attempted to play guitar, my friends were busy and stuck in the house on my own with no distractions I just got myself panicy about my crapness.
Things seemed a lot better when I was able to speak to my girl. She really does bring out the best in me, and calms me down when I need calming. She's certainly a sweetie.
Today's been quieter. Wondering whether I should shoot out to the town again to browse the shops, but there's not really anything I want. Finally started to read the Joe R. Lansdale book I bought a few months ago that's been sat on my shelf until the mood took me. I wish I'd started it sooner. One of those books that once started I find almost impossible to put down again. I have a terrible habit of reading in the bath at weekends. Well, if I'm going to have a soak I enjoy to relax and it's about the only chance I get. Started to read. I think I was in there about an hour and a half and ended up looking like a prune when I emerged. One of those books that's just screaming out to be read all in one sitting.
I must admit I adore his stuff, a delicious slice of what trailer trash writing, with a much darker and more convoluted streak than any other pulp fiction writers ou there. This particular book is about a gruesome murder in east Texas during the depression and really manages to evoke the times wonderfully, leaving the taste of the dust, heat, flies, the slow pace, history and white trash rich in the mouth, a dark gothic book that draws on all sorts of folk myth and darkness. Only about a third of the way in but one of those books that's gripped me from the start.
And one I'll be reading more of now...
